Not Ready To Let Go
by psawyer1
Summary: My take on what was going through our favorite couple's heads in scenes from 4x09. Read and Review!
1. So Do It

**So this is a story I came up with after re-watching episode 4x09. I hope you enjoy! Also a huge thank you to my new beta, someonestolemyshoes49 :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Elena POV**

  
I wake up to the sun in my face. I look over to find Damon sleeping, and turn to my side to get a better look. He looks so...human when he sleeps. I can't help but stare for a moment.

"This would be so much more fun if we were naked" he says, eyes closed.

"That was your call, not mine." I remind him.

"I was being a gentleman." He replies, opening his eyes and turning to lie on his back. "You shouldn't have stayed."

"I know." I say with a sigh, mirroring his position. I admire him for his decision, though I wouldn't mind another fantastic night one bit.

Damon heaves a sigh as he gets up from the bed and walks over to his dresser. "I should have made you leave. Sent you packing. I promised Stefan." He says, taking out a navy blue shirt from the drawer.

"I know." I repeat.

He takes off his old shirt and tugs on the new one. "You're sired to me Elena, which means everything that you _think _you feel, might not even be real."

"I know Damon, but it feels real. And I'm not ready to let go of that." I reply honestly, getting up from the bed and moving to stand in front of him. I'd just got him; there was no way I could let him go.

"I could make you. Invoke the sire bond." He says.

"So do it." I murmur.

"I told him I would set you free." He sighs. "Right after I _didn't _tell him that we slept together."

"So what do you want to do?"

**Damon POV  
**

_Oh the things I want to do..._

"I want to throw you back in my bed and never let you leave." I answer truthfully. _God how I would love to..._

"So do it." Elena replies with a look in her eyes that says _'I want it just as much as you do'_. I move in so close to her that our noses touch. My mind can't decide on what to do right now, I'm so close to giving in and kissing her senseless.

"Damon." she whispers.

_Screw it. _I crash my lips to hers and pour all of my love, all my affection, all my _everything _into the kiss. She doesn't hesitate to return it and kisses me back with a passion to rival my own. I move her back until her knees hit the bed and gently push her onto it. I can't take it anymore; I have to have her again.

I straddle her hips and lean down to kiss her again. I swear I could kiss her forever, and forever for us is a _very _long time. My hands, with a mind of their own, begin to unbutton her shirt. I tear it off, taking her bra with it, and tossing the offending item on the floor. I lean back and look down at her.

**Elena POV**

  
The deep gaze Damon gives me makes me shiver, in a very good way. It's like I am the only woman in the world to him, which I know is true and it makes me love him even more. I pull off his fresh shirt so that I can feel his skin on mine; it's been too long without it.

In a flash, we're both left bare and his lips are on my neck, carving their own pathway down my body. I can't hold the hiss that escapes my lips. "Damon, please." I moan, pulling him impossibly closer. He feels too far away from me.

"Please what, Elena?" He says, his voice husky with lust as he stops at my navel.

"I need you." I reply, bucking my hips up further illustrate my point.

"Anything for you." he groans with a genuine smile that only I'm allowed to see.

He slowly slides into me and pauses. Having him inside of me makes me feel whole. I love it. I roll my hips and encourage him to continue, pulling him down with a hand at the back of his neck to kiss him passionately.

**Damon POV**

She feels like heaven. I return her kiss and she clenches around me as I start to move. I know I don't have to be gentle with her anymore, but I'm not sure when or if I'll ever be in this position with her again. Elena bites my bottom lip and I lose it, picking up the pace as I go down to kiss her neck.

"Oh God, Damon." She moans in my ear. She surprises me by using her new vampire strength to flip us over so she's on top. Not that I mind one bit, seeing her moving above me is something I never thought would happen, and even though its happened more than once lately, it still leaves me speechless.

Elena rakes her fingers down my torso, effectively drawing blood as she moves faster. I pull her down and kiss her again while thrusting my hips up deeper inside her. Her moan spurs me on further and I flip us over again.

"Damon...I'm close" she moans and I thrust into her without abandon, determined to reach the end right with her.

One, two, three more thrusts are all it takes before we both tumble over the edge. Spent, I lay on top of her, trying to catch the breath that I don't need. I can feel Elena's harsh pants on my neck and her fingers tracing circles on my back. I don't want to move from on top of her, from inside her.

**Elena POV  
**

It's a while before Damon moves and slides out of me, pulling me into his arms. I never want to leave. Neither one of us say anything, for a while. We don't need to. We just bask in the post coital bliss. I want to stay in his bed, with him. No friends, no ex-boyfriends, and no sire bond, just me and him.

And then reality comes crashing in on us as my phone vibrates in the pocket of my jeans on the floor. I move to grab it, but Damon tightens his arms around me.

"Don't." He whispers in my ear. I want to listen to him so badly, but I know we can't stay here forever, no matter how much we might want to. Reality would never let us, so I unravel myself from him and look at my phone.

"It's Bonnie. She's teaching Jeremy how not to kill me." I say, putting on the last of my clothing and turning to look at him. I don't want to leave him, and it's at this thought that impulse throws out the words;

"Wanna come?"

The look in his eyes says he wants to pull me back into his bed for an encore. He knows that won't happen no matter how much we want it, though, so he just nods his head in agreement and starts to redress himself.

**A/N: first off, I'm so sorry if the smut sucked  
*hides behind my computer* I haven't written Delena smut in what seems like  
forever lol so please let me know what you honestly think! :)**


	2. The Lake

**A/N: here it is finally! I hope you all had a great New Years! Enjoy!**

**E****lena POV**

I'm sitting on the railing of my parents' lake house, thoughts running amuck in my head. I can hear and feel Damon coming towards me.

"You're not allowed to feel this sorry for yourself unless you're sitting at a bar stool." He says, straddling the railing by me as he continues with a smirk "Fortunately I travel with the bar." He tries to hand me a bottle of bourbon.

I appreciate his attempt to cheer me up but after what happened with Jeremy, it just isn't working.

"It didn't work." I sighed. "I shouldn't have put so much hope into reprogramming someone's mind. If it were that easy than you and I wouldn't be in this situation, right?" I turn to look at him. He looks like he has as much on his mind as I do. He doesn't give me an answer, instead looking down in thought.

I look out towards the lake. I can't help but think of how so much has changed since I was here last. Before I can stop myself, I speak my thoughts. "Last time I was here, I still completely in love with Stefan. Now it's barely a memory. Is that the sire bond?" I look at him again. I can practically see the wheels turning in his head. "Or just that I'm so happy to be here with you?" I ask, putting my hand to his cheek.

**Damon POV  
**

I can't help the gasp that escaped my mouth when her hand touched my cheek. Her question floors me. I want to believe that she really is just happy to be here with me and it's not the sire bond affecting her. More than anything, I want all of this sire bond shit to be done with so I can just be with Elena. I want so badly to just lean into her touch. She's looking at me so deeply right now. I know I need to move away, no matter how much I don't want to. An idea comes to my mind.

"Maybe there's something else they could try." I whisper, giving Elena a quick look before making my way towards the lake house.

I'm hoping my idea will work for Jeremy, but right now I want to be back with Elena on that railing.

**E****lena POV  
**

As Damon walks away from me, I'm so confused; the look on his face before he left tells me that he didn't really want to. I know that this sire bond is hurting him terribly. As I told him before, I know that my feelings for him are real. As I look out into the lake again, two things come to mind: that I want Damon to stop hurting for once and that I need to prove to him somehow that my feelings for him are real.

**A/N: well I hope you all enjoyed this, i know it was short, it was a bit of a challenge to write lol. Let me know what you think :)**


	3. Set You Free

**A/N: here is the next chapter! I'm really excited about this one! Enjoy! **

**Damon POV**

I'm sitting here watching Elena reminiscing with Bonnie and Jeremy. She seems so happy even though I know her head is filled with thoughts, she's just happy to have Jeremy back to normal, or as normal as one can be in Mystic Falls.

I see Elena looking at me; I give her a half smirk. I know she can see the pain in my eyes just like I can in hers. She motions me to come and join the Scooby gang but I just smile and turn my head. I can't go and act like everything is ok.

Everything is not ok! I'm sitting here outside sulking while the love of my life is inside with her brother and her friend. I want nothing more than to go inside and be with her, it doesn't matter that Judgy and her brother are there because I just want to hold her in my arms but I can't! Fuck! I hate that she's sired to me, I don't...I can't know if what she's feeling for me is real and it is killing me!

She's making her way to me now. God what I wouldn't give to just pull her to me and kiss her senseless. My thoughts go back to this morning when that's exactly what I did and more, but I cut the thoughts off quick. I can't think about that now. I do my best to focus my attention on Elena.

"All the drama, you're missing the actual fun part." She says with a smile, pulling out a sprig of mistletoe and holding it above our heads.

I look at it and can't help the smile that appears on my face. I would love to just have a normal Christmas and be able to kiss her right now. But... "Elena, we can't. I can't." I say with a sad sigh. I really want this fucking sire bond gone. It's ruining everything!

"Damon, you can't keep telling me that this isn't real." She says confidently. "I know what I feel. And that you feel it too, so stop fighting it."

God I want to! I want to just be with her because what we have is real.

I sigh and look into the house once more and think back to just a few minutes ago. "It's good to see you like that. All normal with your brother. I want that again for you." I pause briefly to let what I've just said to her sink in. I stand and continue, "Christmas was always mine and Stefan's favorite holiday when we were kids. Not that I've celebrated it since. I kind of miss that." I say honestly. She knows me so well, there's no use in hiding from her anymore.

"You're thinking about how upset he'll be when he finds out that you and I are together." She says.

"I've been lying to him all day."

"No, you were helping me with Jeremy." She says, once again so confident. God it makes me love her that much more.

"The point is not what I was doing. The point is that I'm here with you. I was supposed to invoke the sire bond, Elena. Send you away. I was supposed to do the right thing by you and the right thing by my brother." I say sadly. I know that this stupid issue is hurting her as much as it is hurting me. I know what I have to do. "Which is what I'm going to do right now." I say taking a deep breath I don't need to prepare myself.

I look deeply into her eyes. She looks confused and even a bit scared. I hate causing her pain damn it but I know it's the right thing to do...

"You're gonna go home." I start but she cuts me off

"What? No Damon..." I know that if hear her pleas again I won't be able to do this so I continue.

"I'm gonna stay here with Jeremy. I'm gonna help him complete the mark, I'll teach him how to hunt. I'll protect him. He'll kill vampires, without you." I say. The pain in her eyes and face is almost enough to stop me.

"Damon, please..." She pleads once more. God I don't want to do this...

"I'm setting you free, Elena." I pause again. I've never lied to her before and I hate that this fucking sire bond is making me start now... "This is what I want. This is what will make me happy."

She blinks a couple times, seemingly confused again. She's staring at me and I just want to hug her. I love this woman more than my eternity here on this earth. She's everything I've ever wanted and could ever hope to have. I guess everyone in this town gets what they want but me. I got a taste of what it's like to be with Elena, but I'm not the good guy. I'll never get the girl.

**A/N: Thoughts? I hope you liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)**


	4. Goodbye?

**A/N: Happy TVD Thursday everyone :) I'm back with a brand new chapter! Enjoy!**

**Elena POV**

Damon and I walked out of the lake house to where Jeremy was saying goodbye to Bonnie. I looked at Jeremy one last time. I didn't know when I would see him again. I was so grateful to Damon for his suggestion with Bonnie; it worked, at least for now.

Turning my attention to Damon as Jeremy went inside the house, my thoughts shifted to our problem.

"I was ready to fight you on this, but suddenly every part of my body is telling me to get in this car and leave you." I say, looking at him. His expression tells it all. Neither one of us wants me to go...

"So do it." He responds with the same sentence I'd uttered this morning. My mind goes back to when we never even knew about the sire bond. Back when we were so happy.

The look on Damon's face matches mine. I don't want to leave like this, since I'm being forced to leave in the first place. I sigh internally in defeat knowing that I can't do anything more right now. I decide to leave him with something to remember me by even though I've given him all of me. I don't know when I'll see him again either. I lean into him slowly and place a small kiss on his lips. I want so badly to deepen it but I know that I can't.

I lean back to look at him, and the surprised look on his face tells me he wasn't expecting that at all. It makes me smile inside. He opens the door for me like a true gentleman. I look at him once more and give him a small smile before getting in the car with Bonnie.

He smiles sadly and closes my door. My mind and heart are screaming at me –don't leave - but my body's more assertive, and it says do. I look over at Bonnie as she pulls away.

"Are you alright?" She asks.

"No...not really." I reply, not wanting to talk about this with her and hear her judgments, but I'm surprised at her when she puts the hand that isn't on the wheel on my arm.

"It will get better. You'll find a way through this." She says.

I look outside my window and wonder to myself how I will get through this without Damon.

**Damon POV**

I stood outside watching as Elena and Bonnie drove away. The aches in my heart and my chest are so strong that I'm having a hard time standing straight. I can sense Jeremy and the creepy professor inside the lake house. I can't let them see me in such a weak and vulnerable state. I want to get out of here, run as fast as I can to Elena's house to be there waiting for her so I can pull her into my arms and never let her go. I said it once, and I'll say it again; screw the fucking sire bond. But I made Elena a promise and I plan to keep it. Plus I can't leave Jeremy here with the creepy professor dude; I still think he can't be trusted, even if he did help Jeremy to, you know, not want to kill Elena anymore.

I slowly make my way to the railing that Elena and I sat on before. The only thing on my mind is how badly I want her with me right now as I try with all my might not to let the tears that have gathered in my eyes fall.

**A/N: please review and let me know what you think :) **


	5. Missing You

**A/N: Happy TVD Thursday everyone! Enjoy this new chapter!**

**Elena POV**

Dear diary,

Three days. That's how long it's been since Damon sent me away. I miss him so much it literally hurts. I've done nothing but stay locked up in my room, only leaving it to go downstairs to feed.

Bonnie has been checking up on me lately. It's weird because, well, the whole town knows how she feels about Damon, but our last conversation the night he set me free made me see differently.

***Flashback***

Leaving the lake house was so hard. During the drive home I could feel Bonnie looking at me. Luckily she didn't say anything until she dropped me off and walked me to my door.

"Elena, are you going to be ok? I'm worried about you." She said. I could hear the sincerity in her voice.

"I...I honestly don't know Bonnie. I feel like a piece of me is missing."

She pulled me in for a tight hug. I'm so shocked at her behavior. Normally I wouldn't be, but we are talking about me and Damon here. She pulls away and gives me a small smile.

"I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I know it's no secret that I hate Damon but I saw a different side of him tonight. The look on his face before we left was filled with pain, longing and love. Now I know that he loves you, hell everyone knows, but I saw just how much tonight. And I know that you return his feelings, I can see it on your face. I'm going to help you through this Elena. I promise I'll do whatever I can."

I'm so shocked that it takes me a few minutes to respond to her.

"I... Wow. Thank you so much Bonnie. You have no idea how much this means to me." I say before giving her another hug.

Needless to say she's kept her promise to me. Checking on me since that night and coming over to listen to me when I need to talk. I never thought that Bonnie would be the one comforting me with this.

For the past three days I've left Damon text messages and voicemails. No response. I guess I can't blame him though. I know he has to be hurting just as much as I am.

I just can't wait until I can see him again.

I close my diary and put it in its hiding place. I haven't written in it in so long but I find that I need to let it out somehow when Bonnie isn't here. I stand up from my window seat and get ready to go meet up with Bonnie. Damon constantly on my mind.

**Damon POV**

It's been three days since I sent Elena away. I can't count how many times I've had to stop myself from just going to her.

During the last few days, I've been training Jeremy. He's not anywhere near ready to go out and hunt vampires,but he will be.

I've seen Elena's text messages and listened to her voicemails over the last three days. It hurts to hear her voice because it makes not leaving to go to her that much harder. I miss her so much, being away from her feels like there's a stake in my heart.

I'm out on the deck when I check my phone to see yet another voicemail from Elena. I shouldn't listen to it but I do, just to hear her beautiful voice.

"Hey it's me. You think that what I'm feeling for you is because of the sire bond but I hate not being near you-"

I cut the call because its hurts too much. I want so badly to believe her. I can't think about that now though, I have to focus and train Jeremy like I promised.

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter :)**


	6. I Love You

**A/N: hello my wonderful readers! Here is the next chapter! Enjoy!**

**Elena POV**

After a very long night filled with compulsion, chases, revealed truths, and a blonde Original, I'm finally back home.

I'm so happy to be home on my porch but my heart is somewhere else entirely. With that thought in mind, I dial Damon's number.

**Damon POV**

Man, what a day.

I'm shoveling dirt as I finish the task of disposing the dead pizza girl's body when I feel my phone vibrate.

I know who it is without even looking at the screen ID. Elena.

"Hope you're days going better than mine. Gotta say, I'm liking the odds."

"Stefan knows about us." She says taking a deep breath.

"Oh," I wasn't expecting that one. "How'd he take it?"

"How do you think?"

"Well I'm thinking for the first time all week I'm happy to be at Camp Nowhere." I can't imagine what will happen when I see Stefan.

"How's Jeremy?"

"That depends on how much you trust me" I reply honestly.

"You know that I trust you." _ Oh I hope you say that later._

"Then I think he's gonna get through this just fine."

"Thanks for looking out for him." Is she kidding? I would do anything for her.

"Yeah well I told them if they were good, I'd buy them both ice cream, so. Look I gotta go."

"Not yet." She stops me from hanging up. I can only guess what she has on her mind. Time to prepare myself.

"Something happened today." Uh oh. "I realized something about you. About us." She pauses. Where is she going with this? "And you can say that it's the sire bond. You know what? Maybe-maybe it is but I'm telling you it's the most real thing that I've ever felt in my entire life." Oh here it comes.

"I love you, Damon." Beautiful girl say what? My super hearing must be jacked up. "I love you." Oh my god she's serious.

I don't know how-

"Look, I'm going to get this cure for you and I'm gonna have to do things you're not gonna like-"

"Damon-" she tries to interrupt me but I continue and say what I've been practically dying to say since I sent her away.

"But listen carefully, get in your car. Right now. Come to me."

"I'll be there soon." She says. I can hear the smile on her face before the call ends.

I'm so shocked and in awe at this moment. I slide the phone shut and just take a second to look up at the sky and revel in this moment. I know what I would say to my only friend (besides Elena) if he were still here...

_I finally got the girl, Ric_. I think and I can't stop the genuine smile that escapes.

**A/N: there you go! :) **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!**

**Be on the lookout for a few more updates from me today :)**

**Much love **

**Psawyer xx**


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